Not going to zoom in the details but I guess I'm back to blogging again. Hope next year gonna be a smooth year.
I'm still disappointed with myself, that I did not work hard enough and in the end I had to give up. It's like doing something blindfolded, every one can see the disaster you have created except yourself. And when somebody tried to tell you the correct way of doing it, you just can't see through the blindfold and kept making the same mistakes over and over again. It's frustrating for both parties. So in the end, it's like playing tug-of-war. Either they give up, leaving you holding on to the rope meaninglessly or you let go and leave the game.
I left. I thought I'm happy with my decision, that I removed the blindfold and walked away but deep inside I felt like shit.
Until I realised one thing after being struck in this for 14 months - Nobody think struggling is embarrassing, however admitting you are is. We are never taught to admit we are weak, because it makes us feel powerless and vulnerable. Everyone wants to be the top of the pyramid, so we do things we don't enjoy but we still do it just so we can be on top. But it's really tiring to do something we don't enjoy. Most of us just suffer in silence to live the life that others envy of.
You look up and smile at them but when they walk away, you look down and shed tears.
So I guess admitting you're weak somehow makes you stronger. At least you're strong enough to be truthful to yourself... Right?
